As far as I’m concerned, I have no fucking mother. She constantly treats my like shit, puts me down, and threatens me. She gives my sisters what ever they want, but as soon as I ask for something, im ungrateful and spoiled and the worst child in existence. She lets my sisters and thier friends come and go as they please, even when they were my age, yet i get screamed at and it always turns into a fight if i even ask if my friend or my boyfriend can come over. I feel like she resents having me. It just puzzles my why she claims to be a good mother while she’s treating her youngest like complete shit. How is that a mother? It’s not. The only person i have to turn to is my dad, and he’s always at work, so im always stuck with her. And she wonders why I’ve ran away twice and just disappeared for months at a time. Sometimes I just need a break from her and her constant hatred for me.
Her smile, she fakes. Her tears, she hates. Her laugh is gone. Her fears so strong. It’s all she can take to just be anymore. It’s all gone. Her laugh? Gone. Her joy? Gone. Her dreams? Gone. It’s all gone. What’s the point of trying anymore? At night, she cries. In light, she hides. Her voice just isn’t strong anymore. She screams out at nothing. The sound, bouncing of the empty walls, tells her “your life is over now. No point in living anymore.” She finds the razor, finds the vein, and eases the pain. She can’t stop now, it’s too much fun. With all the blood running, she finds the gun. “Lets play a game!” She screams out loud. “We’ll spin the barrel round and round.Count to three. Pull the trigger, then you’ll see just how much you mean to me! ONE!” She sees the day that they first met. “TWO!” Their first kiss. “THREE!” and finally, the day he left. With tears in her eyes, she pulls the trigger. BANG! There she lay, in a dark red river. Her tears have stopped, and so has her pain, but thanks to him, no one will fall in love with her smile again.
12/12/12 to infinity && beyond <3